Bullying

Sad as it may seem, bullying is still alive and well in American schools. It actually has spread with the rise of social media to the point that cyber-bullying is now a commonly heard phrase. Whether your child attends a public or private school, bullying will be prevalent wherever children congregate. How can you recognize the signs of bullying and ensure that your child is not a victim? Read on.

In short, bullies strike fear into their victims through threats or actual acts of violence, coercion, intimidation, ridicule,  social embarrassment, or exclusion. It seems to be more prevalent through middle and high schools, although it is a very real presence in elementary schools as well.  Bullies are sometimes very insecure people, and may even be victims of bullying themselves outside of the school environment. They carry out their bullying behavior in places where teachers or other administrators may not be around, and they like to be seen by their friends making another child miserable.

If your child comes home and complains about another child’s behavior towards them, be sure to listen. Much of that will be the result of kids learning how to handle their new social dynamic, but if you hear any of the signs listed above then you may be dealing with a bully and need to involve the teacher or school administration immediately. This is something that you should do and not entice your child to tattle to their teacher, as this may aggravate the situation. Your child may not verbalize the situation to you, but you should still watch for signs of a problem – changes in behavior, grades, moodiness, no desire to go to school, physical symptoms, and lowered self-esteem.

In my day, we were encouraged to punch the bully in the nose. The movie “A Christmas Story” makes this seem possible, but in reality physical violence likely will lead to someone getting seriously hurt. In elementary school, children are more responsive to correction from teachers and adults but as they move into older grades, it may take unity with their peers to put a bully in their place. Your child may want to surround themselves with his or her friends when bullying is likely to occur, like moving between classes and on the playground. As a group, if they will stand up to the bully, chances are that the incidents will subside. The overall message for your child is that they should try to remove themselves from the situation when possible, and otherwise stand unified with a group of peers.

As a parent, you may be tempted to take extreme measures in response to bullying, such as moving to another school zone, putting your child in a private school, or just deciding to home school your child. I would recommend against any of these actions solely to remedy a bullying problem. This can create financial hardship on your family, and it sends the message to your child that they can run from their problems. While it is our duty as parents to protect our children, this type of reaction sets a dangerous precedent because eventually there will be a problem that your child just cannot run from. Teach your child how to deal with bullying properly because the skills that they learn will serve them well throughout their entire life.

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