Many of the points that are made within the article are true and valid. A college degree is becoming more of a requirement for many white-collar jobs than ever before. In some cases, it becomes a barrier to entry for those who do not have the degree. Some degrees offer a higher entry point for earnings because of the skills involved or the scarcity of labor. And yes, benefits packages add up to real dollars, and generally the benefits packages are tied to some of percentage of the salary so a higher salary will drive up the monetary value of the benefits. Census bureau data shows that those with a college degree have lower levels of unemployment than those without a degree.

What does this mean for the Affluent Student? It’s exactly the same sort of issues that we’ve been discussing all along. The decision on whether or not to attend college should never be made on income potential alone. There needs to be a goal for attending college – what do you hope to do with your life and is there a need for college to reach that goal? Does this goal make sense considering how I am wired internally and does it make sense financially? Loans always diminish the value of the degree because their payback comes from future earnings so I think they are a bad idea. Even graduate school should be considered with the same criteria in mind. The idea of going to school just to get a higher degree because of this type of data is inadvisable. And, when the real crisis in your household is a lack of income from a job loss, deciding to go to school to raise your income potential (instead of going to work to earn some real money) is insane.

Finally, earnings should never be the only criteria used to determine whether to go to college or enter a specific career field. Your time spent in those endeavors will be frustrating and unfulfilling at best. Spend the time to shape your goals, your career aspirations, and to look inside to see what fits you best. College can indeed provide a big payoff from a compensation perspective over the scope of your working life, but so can doing work that you love regardless of your education.

For starters, keep in mind the purpose for punishments and rewards. Punishments are to stop any behavior that you don’t want to happen again, and rewards are to encourage more of the behavior that you do want to happen again. That being said, both come after the behavior that you are working on, which means that they are consequences of the behavior. Rewards should never be used as bribes to get something to happen in the first place, nor should punishments be used like a threat to get something to happen. You must know your children. You have to know what things they like and dislike and what things make them tick, You need to understand their personalities and their motivators. But I would be cautious about using, as punishments, things that we want to see our children doing. Just as important, we need to be careful that the rewards we use aren’t things that we would not want our children to have or be involved in.

So, what are good rewards? How about these:

• Extra play time
• A day where the child selects the activities
• A special meal
• A small toy, or article of clothing for older children, that they’ve been wanting
• An opportunity to help Mom or Dad with something that they don’t normally do
• An impromptu party
• Tickets to an event that the child would really love
• Praise and compliments

Now, some examples of good punishments

• TIme out
• Withholding of an allowance (be careful with this one; if the allowance is based on completion of chores and they do them, give the allowance)
• Removal of a toy or game that they like
• Early bedtime
• Grounding or loss of a privilege
• Spanking (spare the rod, spoil the child)
• Isolation from friends

Both rewards and punishments should be dealt, as equally as possible, with both mom and dad involved from time to time. That way your child doesn’t associate rewards with one and punishments with the other, or worse doesn’t ever expect to get either from one parent or the other. Upon delivery of either, it is critical that the child understand why they are being rewarded or punished so that the behavior modification can take hold. Hopefully you can see how these can shape behaviors and help raise your child to understand what is expected of them. Let me hear your thoughts!

As important as the entrance exam score is, it doesn’t compare to personal integrity. This is a prime example where the perception of short-term gain led to long-term pain. The current students paid $1500 to $2500 to others to take the exam for them for the chance to get into a prestigious university or to qualify for more scholarships. For these students, they may have thought that it was worth it. I believe, though, that even if they had gotten away with it, these are the types of students who would wind up either dropping out of college or skimming their way along the bottom. All for the sake of getting college paid for, they put it all at risk and will now pay for it the rest of their lives.

One last bit of commentary – where are the parents of those who paid to have the SAT taken for them in this situation? At best, these parents are completely out of touch if their children can spend anywhere between $1500 to $2500 dollars and the parents not know where it is going. At worst, they were accessories to the fact, and my guess is that as this story unfolds that we will learn that some of the parents knew fully what was going on. Regardless of where they land on the scale of possibilities, parents of minor children are responsible for their children’s activities. This should have never happened if these parents were truly looking out for the best interests of their children.

We can all argue that there are flaws in the system, no doubt about it. Parents, no matter how they perform in the classroom, please encourage your children to remain on the high road. Resorting to cheating in its many forms or plagiarism does nothing but undermines your character. If they’re caught, they pay the consequences directly. If they aren’t caught, then it could start a downward spiral where they feel like they can get away with more and more over time. As we’ve discussed throughout this blog, there are many ways to get into and pay for college, and there are many alternatives to the traditional four-year degree at the big-name school. It just isn’t worth it to try and cheat your way to the top.

You are making an impact right at the center of your child’s life. The ensuing splash that they make in the great big pond known as their life will create waves of ripples that will wash over those in their local and extended network. How big a splash that they make will largely be determined by the amount of love and effort that you put into them. Look at the opportunities that you have in this book to influence your child for good. Your chance to influence them into the young men and women that they will become is now. And your ripples can continue to wash over them all throughout their life. Make a huge splash with a significant investment in them, and your ripples will continue to bathe them throughout their life.

Sometimes, the splashes that you make will be unpopular. We all were teenagers once, and we thought we knew so much more than our parents knew. You will have struggles, your child will rebel against some things, and you will come to question your decisions. It will tear at your heart from time to time, and you’ll feel like a failure as a parent. The most important advice I can give you during those times is to stick to your guns. Remember, even after you’ve made your decision that you continue to make a splash. Your child will learn so much from you if you stick to the decisions that you make – that’s integrity. In time, they will come around to understand and respect the decisions that you made.

You read this blog because you want to make a difference in their life. You want to give your children something that you never had. By now you understand that the more intentional you are with your children, the happier and more mature they will be, and their confidence and self-esteem will soar. What’s more, your relationship with them will be far and away better than those in households all around you.

Success is earned through the little things, done every day. It doesn’t happen in one big event. Take these things that you’ve learned and live them out on purpose. Let your child know that you care, not by the things that you say but by the things that you do. These things will stick with them long after they’ve left your nest.

Perhaps the biggest mistake that we as parents make is generally made with the best intentions. That mistake is the one where we push and influence them to live the life that we’ve come to know. In other words, instead of letting them become the people that God intended them to be, we make them in to little versions of ourselves. We teach them what they should do based on what we know – stay in school, go to college, get a good job with insurance and benefits, follow the rules, and do what’s expected of them. School already does a number on them by teaching them to follow rules, to color within the lines, to perform to the requirements of the test, and to play nice with others.

Is it possible to raise them differently? Instead of expecting them to conform, can we celebrate their individuality? One definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over but expecting different results. If we are unfulfilled and unsatisfied  in our jobs, but we go back every day and teach our kids that it’s the responsible thing to do, are we giving them the best possible advice? We raise them watching out television shows, following our habits, and going to our own church because it is the right thing to do – or so we think.

The Affluent Student is one who is prepared for the rigors of education and the challenges of life. They have learned how to succeed by developing good character traits and behavioral habits. They are open to the possibilities around them, they choose careers and educational programs based on the person that they are and the skills, abilities, talents, dreams and passions that they possess. They know their strengths and look to leverage those wherever possible. They know that they live in the Information Age and that learning never stops. They know that the significance of their life is measured in terms of relationships and influence and not in stacks of wealth. Finally, they know that life is too short to spend it being miserable.

Zig Ziglar often tells the story of his mom’s Christmas ham. For years and years, she cut off the end of her ham before baking it. One year she asked her own mother why she cut off the end of her ham. Her mom replied that she always had and wasn’t really sure why. Fortunately, her own mom was still alive, so Grandma was asked why she cut off the end of her ham. As only a grandmother can, she looked lovingly at her daughter and granddaughter and replied that she cut off her ham simply because it wouldn’t fit in her pan. The moral is that we do an awful lot of things just because that’s what we think we’re supposed to do, and we just never question why. As parents, we must be willing to let our own child experience life on their own terms, but with our kindness and experience to gently guide them and answer questions that they have along the way. Proverbs 22:6, from the original Hebrew, tells us to train up a child in the way he is bent, or inclined. It is our obligation to do just that, based on the way they are uniquely made, and it is your most unselfish act of love to them.

In short, bullies strike fear into their victims through threats or actual acts of violence, coercion, intimidation, ridicule,  social embarrassment, or exclusion. It seems to be more prevalent through middle and high schools, although it is a very real presence in elementary schools as well.  Bullies are sometimes very insecure people, and may even be victims of bullying themselves outside of the school environment. They carry out their bullying behavior in places where teachers or other administrators may not be around, and they like to be seen by their friends making another child miserable.

If your child comes home and complains about another child’s behavior towards them, be sure to listen. Much of that will be the result of kids learning how to handle their new social dynamic, but if you hear any of the signs listed above then you may be dealing with a bully and need to involve the teacher or school administration immediately. This is something that you should do and not entice your child to tattle to their teacher, as this may aggravate the situation. Your child may not verbalize the situation to you, but you should still watch for signs of a problem – changes in behavior, grades, moodiness, no desire to go to school, physical symptoms, and lowered self-esteem.

In my day, we were encouraged to punch the bully in the nose. The movie “A Christmas Story” makes this seem possible, but in reality physical violence likely will lead to someone getting seriously hurt. In elementary school, children are more responsive to correction from teachers and adults but as they move into older grades, it may take unity with their peers to put a bully in their place. Your child may want to surround themselves with his or her friends when bullying is likely to occur, like moving between classes and on the playground. As a group, if they will stand up to the bully, chances are that the incidents will subside. The overall message for your child is that they should try to remove themselves from the situation when possible, and otherwise stand unified with a group of peers.

As a parent, you may be tempted to take extreme measures in response to bullying, such as moving to another school zone, putting your child in a private school, or just deciding to home school your child. I would recommend against any of these actions solely to remedy a bullying problem. This can create financial hardship on your family, and it sends the message to your child that they can run from their problems. While it is our duty as parents to protect our children, this type of reaction sets a dangerous precedent because eventually there will be a problem that your child just cannot run from. Teach your child how to deal with bullying properly because the skills that they learn will serve them well throughout their entire life.

Let me first clarify what I mean by pre-school. I am not talking about daycare – I mean a pre-kindergarten program with an intentional curriculum. Each of my kids attended at least one year of pre-school. Both of my boys attended pre-school programs that were part of the public school system where they lived. My daughter attended both 4K and 5K at our church and took the A-Beka curriculum. When the boys went to school the classes were held Monday-Friday but Ashley’s program went Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 9 am – 2 pm. None of the three seemed to be impacted by the length of time they were in class. We paid a monthly tuition for both Ashley and Nick’s 4K pre-school programs and for Ashley’s 5K year; Will’s 4K program was provided for free by the state of Georgia. Because Will and Nick went to public kindergarten, there was no tuition cost for that year.

For Ashley, we were concerned that half-day kindergarten would not prepare her adequately for school. I can’t say for sure how true that might be because my wife did such a good job with her at home. All three of my kids excelled through all years in elementary school. They were happy and well-adjusted when the first day of first grade rolled around because they had been through the process before. Their pre-school years were cute, fun, and memorable.

As for the logistics of pre-school, some programs offer a structured curriculum as early as 3K. There are offerings affiliated with the public schools, with churches and other private schools, and through traditional child-care facilities such as Montessori. Many programs have waiting lists and affiliation requirements, such as church membership, for discounts and registration priority. Unless you tie in some after-school care these programs do not provide full day child care so don’t depend on pre-school alone if you are planning to go back to work. Usually there is no state educational accreditation for pre-school programs so your child’s teachers may or may not have teaching credentials. Meals and snacks are generally not included, and in some cases not even available for purchase so if your child attends through lunch then you’ll have to pack a meal each day. At this age there is usually nap time so you’ll have to send a nap mat and blanket for your child. Many pre-school programs will not take children that are not potty-trained, so if your child is in that situation then be sure to check with your program in advance. Finally, most programs do not offer bus transportation at this age so you will need to get your child to and from their pre-school program.

All in all, pre-school might be the best way to introduce mom and child to the school routine. It certainly offers socialization opportunities for your child, a fun and safe place to get comfortable with the classroom, and a healthy option to more television or other electronic babysitters. However, Mom can provide all of this and more at home if she will put in the time and effort. Whatever you decide, be sure to ask questions of administrators, teachers, and other parents to learn more about the program.

The thing you hear most about from moms is that dreaded first day of school. Mom may not be ready for the child to go, but if she makes a big deal out of it then her little one will most certainly feel her apprehension. Most children are naturally nervous about school also, especially if Mom has been able to stay at home and keep their child out of daycare. Whatever the case, make it easier for your child by keeping the conversation about school upbeat. Take advantage of “meet the teacher” day and take your child along. Nothing alleviates concerns and nerves like seeing the classroom firsthand.

You might live in a location where bus service is provided. For some parents, this is a necessity due to work schedules and travel logistics. For others, you have the luxury of choice. Do I drive my child to school or do they ride the bus? A couple of times a year we hear about an incident where a school bus is involved in an accident, but statistically speaking this form of transportation is much safer than your own car. My wife drives our little girl now just because it’s their preference, and they enjoy the time together each day. Some kids might like to ride the bus just to spend more time with their friends. Whatever you decide, this isn’t a topic that you need to stress about – both ways are fine.

You will be facing the school lunch decision – should I pack lunch or should I let me child buy lunch? Either way is fine, in my opinion. All schools have done a terrific job of paying attention to their meals and now serve an array of healthy choices that your child will be just fine with. They may be picky eaters, but they will eat when they get hungry. Sending a lunch every day lets you control (somewhat) what they get for lunch. If your child is like mine, there is a daily ritual of swapping grapes for chips, snack bar for apple, or sandwich for cookies. The biggest thing that you might have to worry with is if your child has food allergies; simply make sure your teacher is aware of this situation and that it is well-documented on your child’s enrollment forms. The only other thing you need to think about is what foods are allowed in snacks and lunches and what is not. Be sure to ask your teacher for guidance. It’s also a treat for your child if you can make time to have lunch with them occasionally. My wife does this from time to time and she is always entertained by what she sees.

When I was in school, I remember the wire-rack desks lined up in rows and a neat, well-kept classroom. Now desks are arranged workgroup-style, with six desks arranged to face one another making a sort of table that the children sit around. Kids are moved to other groups periodically to create different teams. The classroom was somewhat chaotic, with some kids moving about and other kids working on a variety of assignments. Many kids have a tough time in a rigid, inflexible setting so it was refreshing to see this kind of fluidity and loosely structured environment. Your child’s teacher may be different in their classroom, but I believe that this setting replicates the collaborative groups that are part of today’s information worker environment and is a change for the better.

In elementary school my children have enjoyed a number of field trips. There have been trips to the downtown science center, the “Pumpkin Patch” at Halloween, the zoo, the Golden Flake potato chip factory and the Bud’s Best cookie factory, the art museum, our symphony orchestra and the Children’s Theater. If you have the opportunity, sign up to chaperone your child to one of these events. Your child will feel special and you’ll have a ball with the rest of the children.  This is also the time when they will be in programs and plays, and those will probably be wrapped around PTA/PTO meetings. Have fun with those, bring along the grandparents and make all sorts of videos and pictures.

I’ll sum this up by saying just enjoy these years. The kids are so sweet at this stage and their minds are thirsty for education. Make sure that you keep school fun by encouraging your child, being there at as many events as you can, and making a huge deal about their success and accomplishments in school. You are planting the seeds of that lifelong learner during this period.

Today with all of the on-ramps to the internet, everything you search, email, tweet, or post adds to your online reputation. Employers, now more than ever before, are scrutinizing all of the online avenues for your current and previous information. In June of this year, the Federal Trade Commission gave approval to a company named Social Intelligence Corporation to sell this service to prospective employers. Your videos, pictures, blog posts, and profiles are, by default, accessible for all to see. Because we tend to relax and let our guards down when we’re online, it is very easy to post things that maybe you don’t want everyone to know about. And nothing prevents others from creating or posting information about you. Social media has made it so easy to connect with others but it’s also opened up a minefield of dangers.

So how can you best protect your online reputation? Just like monitoring your credit, this is an ongoing process that you’ll maintain throughout your lifetime. Here is a list of strategies that you can do and that you can teach to your child.

• Change your passwords on all of your accounts regularly.
• Make all of your passwords different for the various services.
• Learn how to customize the privacy settings for each service that you use.
• Look at Facebook and review the pictures which have been tagged as you.
• Keep your profiles current, but be careful about how much information you include for all to see.
• Review your friends list and the list of your followers. Remember that the things which are posted and updated by your friends on their sites can be displayed on your site or profile. People formulate opinions about you based on who you hang out with, online and in real life.
• Don’t share location or comments about where you are when you’re away from home. This includes uploading pictures and other media. This is as much for personal safety as anything else.
• Keep your posts, tweets, and updates positive and upbeat. Spelling and grammar really make a difference, especially when a potential employer reviews your data.
• Look at the things that you follow or like. Again, you are judged by the things, people, and products that you associate yourself with.
• Disable or cancel any services that you no longer use.
• Google yourself. Search your name within Google and within all of these services and see what pops up.
• Highlight your best in your online activity. Make others feel like part of your community.
• Don’t say anything in type that you would not say in person to the person you are talking about. Too many folks hide behind their online identity. Remember that the computer is no replacement for a phone or face-to-face conversation.
• Be careful when reposting, sharing, or retweeting humor. What you may think is funny may offend your reader.

Social media is fun. It allows us to connect with those who have moved on or that we haven’t seen in many years. But do what you can to protect the impression that you make. Your online and real-life reputations combine to paint the picture of who you really are.